Are you talking about Sexual Attraction with your Partner/Spouse?
Many of us have the mistaken perception that once we are in the safe harbor of a relationship our partner will never again have any sexual inclinations, sexual attraction, or feel any sexual feelings for any person other than ourselves. Operating from this perception we either spend lots of time and energy controlling our partners’ feelings or we don’t bother at all in the attraction department and let our sexual relationship just kinda become routine.
Falling into either habit is a fatal error and based on a big fat myth. The truth is, we don’t stop becoming attracted to and having sexual feelings for other people just because we are in relationship. For some the question becomes whether or not they will act on those attractions. If we decide not to act on this attraction to another most people will stop there and never utter a word about it to their partner.
We lie about or hide outside sexual attraction from our partners out of fear, worry and concern. We worry about what our partner will think, say, or do if we share that we have sexual feelings/attraction toward someone else. We don’t want to rock the boat because we are worried it will open Pandora’s Box. However, with all of these reasons – and trust me each one of the reasons you can come up with does appear very sound – we are withholding information from our partner, which over time creates roadblocks in our relationship and can even lead to putting a wall up between yourself and your partner.
“Honesty is the best Aphrodisiac,” is one of my favorite statements and I’ve often heard my friend and mentor Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks utter during her Conscious Relationship training sessions.
So how do we share authentically and lovingly about the feelings we have with our partner. For some, sharing that they feel sad, angry, scared, or happy might bring up some discomfort, but most of us will agree that it’s o.k. to talk about these feelings. However, when it comes to sexual feelings we have a big huge taboo. Why is that? Is it because you were told not to talk about sex and sexual feelings? Or is it because you’d rather believe that your partner doesn’t have those feelings for another person once they are committed to you? Or have you never been taught how to share your feelings, especially sexual feelings.
I recommend that before you and your partner talk about sexual feelings with each other that you have an agreement amongst yourselves to be allies and to have your relationship be a catalyst for growth, intimacy, and authenticity. With a strong foundation between the two of you it is much easier to talk about things that might at first appear difficult to discuss.
By sharing honestly about all your feelings with your partner you don’t have to hide any of them and can instead channel the freed up energy back into your relationship and back into cultivating passion, intimacy, and spicing things up with your partner.
For more information on how to authentically share your feelings—particularly sexual feelings for others—with your partner tune in to this week’s “The Shelby Show” on Tuesday 3/ 30 at 4 p.m. PST / 7 p.m. EST. Click Here to listen to the show.
This is a great post, I stumbled across your story while looking for free downloads. Thanks for sharing, I’ll be sure to recommend this site to others.
I couldn’t disagree with this more. There are just some things you don’t “need” to share with your partner. Honesty turns into a weapon when tact, respect, and consideration are thrown out the window. We all “look”, and we all know this but just as long as you know you are simply “looking”, what is the point of feeling like you need to bring it up. We all know that most men (if not all) look at porn (some more than others), but hopefully it is done with discretion and responsibility. Being “honest” and saying, “Hey hon, I am going to go watch some porn now and sexually fantasize about someone who is not you” is completely honest, but it also lacks in every other category that promotes a healthy relationship. And it’s unnecessarily downright mean all under the guise of “honesty”.
I couldn’t understand certain parts of this post, but I assume I only need to learn a bit more about this, because it sure seems interesting and kind of though-proviking! By the way, how did you first get involved with this?
Thanks for your comment. I would like to hear more about your thoughts and what was provoked for you by reading it.
Have a great day.
Daniela
I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts and leaving a comment on my blog. Yes I agree honest can be tuned into a weapon and I’m not promotion using honest in a disrespectful way nor as a way to hurt your partner. However, when two mature adults who are ready and willing to be allies in partnership have a clear agreement that they want conscious loving relationship and see their relationship as a catalyst for growth, love, creativity, etc. then being honest is a powerful way to connect and create more intimacy within the relationship.
Again I appreciate you sharing and look forward to connecting and discussing further. Hope to connect with you on our radio show tomorrow.
Daniela