Enjoying Relationships in the Present
In February I hopped on a short plane ride up to Vancouver, Canada. I love taking short trips especially when it involves surprising or supporting loved ones. This trip was for a very special occasion – my “baby” brothers 30th Birthday.
Wow how time flies. It seems just like yesterday that my dad came home from the hospital with a Polaroid picture beaming with pride and announcing, “this is your baby brother!” My mother tells the story that I was obviously disappointed when I saw the tiny baby on the picture. I guess to a 4 year old, who was anticipating the arrival of a full-grown playmate; being presented with a tiny bundle of baby brother instead was upsetting. 30 years later I was bursting with excitement and anticipation – this time to surprise my brother for his Birthday.
I also welcome the opportunity to spend 2 days with my family. Living in California sure has its perks and I love it, however, one of the down sides is that I don’t get to see my Swiss family very often. These days I look forward to spending time with them and enjoying their company. It hasn’t always been that way. Thankfully the last 10 years have brought me much learning, healing and growth.
Today I know that my parents did their best raising my brother and me. I was the emotional one of the family and had a big need to talk about feelings and emotions, which to them seemed like a foreign language. – Growing up, there were many interactions with my parents that I interpreted as proof that my parents didn’t love me.
On a radio interview the other day a caller asked me how to forgive her parents and to let go of past hurts so she could be more present and happy with her current partner.
I recommended, “Unhooking the Source”, a powerful tool that Drs. Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks developed that works. It worked for me. It works for my clients.
Unhooking the Source gives us an opportunity to leave actual or perceived hurts in the past and on a body mind level locate ourselves here in the present. Often the past bleeds over into our current relationships and disables us from being fully present to our current partner or date. Our partner says something that we interpret in a completely different way or that triggers an old hurt or wound in us and suddenly we are filled with emotions that seem un-proportional to the given situation. We then often hid behind masks, possibly attack our partner, which leads them to attack us and before we know it we are caught yet in another major relationship conflict. To end this vicious cycle I invite you to right now:
- Take a deep breath.
- Think of an even or issue that occurred in your childhood or even just a few years back.
- Then look around your room and located the direction that represents the past.
- With one hand point in that direction and say out loud “That was then”
- Then turn away from the past
- Place your other hand on your chest and say “And this is now”
Repeat step 3-6 a few times until you notice a shift in your body, i.e. you take a deep breath, you notice yourself relax, etc. Every time make sure that you use different hands to point toward the past and to identify the present moment by placing your hand on your chest. Also play with pronouncing different words with a different emphasis. If you notice some anger, say certain words louder. Remember you are releasing the past and with it unhooking the charge and the hold that the past has on you in the present.
Unhooking the source is a powerful tool to support you in forgiving your parents, differentiation from them or unhooking from any other hurts from the past and allow yourself to enjoy relationships in the present.
My stay with my family in Vancouver and my brother’s birthday surprise were perfect. I savior the memories we made sightseeing together, laughing together, and sharing in yet another very special moment – being able to be present to them with love.
